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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370341">The past is somewhere I don’t want to go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kang Taehyun Angst/Taegyu [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Kind of a vent fic, Past Abuse, jungkook and taehyun are brothers, jungkook appears for a bit, yeonbin fight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:47:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370341</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Taehyun had been fairly okay for awhile. He was able to escape the past for a little, but what does he do when something triggers everything and causes him to be so close to breaking again?</p>
<p>OR<br/>It’s another Taehyun angst fic and I’m horrible at summaries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kang Taehyun &amp; Jeon Jungkook, Kang Taehyun/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kang Taehyun Angst/Taegyu [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The past is somewhere I don’t want to go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194340">Lean on Us</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpanda18/pseuds/Redpanda18">Redpanda18</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Next one of the series! I’ve had this on docs for awhile so I decided to post it because I have a series.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Taehyun never was the one to talk about his past. He didn’t like talking about it because of the fact that he had parents that constantly fought. Not exactly abusive, but sometimes one or the other came home at 1 am drunk. Taehyun would be sleeping in his room when the door opened and the smell of alcohol filled the room. He’d remember a glass bottle smashing above his head and then the sober one of his parents would scream at the other to back off from Taehyun. Funny to say that the very person who stopped the other, would come home at 1 am a day later, drunk, and do the exact same thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>When Taehyun became a trainee, he loved it. He was able to escape from the hell he once called home and he’d be content and happy. It took him months to break his ice prince persona and finally open up to his debut group members. Yet despite that he still has many hidden secrets. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kai had once whined about the fact that Taehyun was a book, locked by a million different locks that needed a million different keys, chained, and buried more than 100 miles below the ground. Taehyun had laughed it off then, shaking his head and saying it was nonsense. That moment he had buried himself into his bed at night and thought about what Kai had said. Was he really that hard to read? No, he didn’t think so, but then again, his drunk parents would tell him </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t ever trust anyone, okay, hyunnie? They’ll only hurt you. Lock yourself away and only open up a little when you think you can trust them even the slightest bit. Okay? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>Taehyun stayed that way for a while, closed off even to his members. Beomgyu had managed to somehow pull him out of his shell at one point, dragging the younger to random cafes or just ordering pizza at the weirdest times. Taehyun at first had seriously objected, but soon he was laughing and smiling again. But then again, good times never seem to remain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>It had started out as a normal day, the 5 of them rushing to practice in the morning, dancing until their limbs were numb and singing/rapping until their voices went out. At lunch they had gathered in the practice room, eating a chinese takeout that their manager had gotten them. After a pretty content lunch, the time only swept by until it was 10 pm and they’re panting and gasping in the studio. Yeonjun staggers over to Soobin, a stare fixing onto his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Soobin, you’re doing this move wrong,” he says. Soobin looks up, sweat dripping down the nape of his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“You don’t think I know that? I’m just tired okay,” he answers, tone hard and cold. Yeonjun’s eyes seem to light up with fire, and at that Beomgyu, Kai and Taehyun all look over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“What the hell did you just say to me?!” Yeonjun glares. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“I said what I said!” Soobin snaps back, his fist tightening around the glass bottle of coke he’s holding. Beomgyu’s gaze moves to the two maknaes and Kai looks terrified but Taehyun’s condition scares Beomgyu. The elder maknae is curled up in the corner, near the door, and his eyes are wide and full of fear, his skin as pale white as a fresh new bedsheet. His frame is shaking violently, slender fingers clutching his raven hair. Beomgyu looks back to the fighting pair just as Yeonjun yells again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“We’re all tired, don’t you freaking see that?! But we’re not messing up like you are!”</span>
  
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“I know that!” Soobin yells, the bottle of coke shaking in his hands as he stands up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Then why are you-?!” Yeonjun is cut off as Soobin throws the coke. Terrifyingly, it flies across the room, shattering right above Taehyun’s head. Taehyun seems to freeze, the glass pieces sparkling so innocently in the dim light on his hair, looking like jewels tainting his hair so softly. Some shards fall next to Taehyun, some in his lap or on his hands. The room is completely silent, and Yeonjun glares at Soobin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“We’re the ones fighting here! Why drag him into it?!” he growls. Soobin is about to retort when Kai screams.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Taehyun!” Everyone’s heads whip over just as Taehyun flies out of the door. The door slams back into place and it’s complete silence. Beomgyu looks over at Soobin, who’s shaking and tears seem to threaten to spill. He walks over, and hugs Soobin, who stiffens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung, it’s okay. We all get blinded by anger. You didn’t mean to throw the bottle at him. It’s okay,” Beomgyu sighs. Yeonjun’s face softens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sorry Bin, I should’ve understood that you were tired,” he runs a hand through his hair. Soobin lets out a stuttering sigh, then nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry too. Now, we have to find Taehyun,” he says. Kai is already out the door at that, the others not too far behind him. They scour the whole building, but there isn’t a sign of Taehyun anywhere. They run into Jungkook, who looks at them worriedly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did something happen? Where’s Taehyun?” he asks. He looks as if he just got out of the recording studio, dressed in a hoodie and black ripped jeans with chunky sneakers, holding the knob of the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh uh, we had a fight and he ran out,” Soobin looks down in shame. Jungkook’s face softens as realization dawns on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s happened before. I ran out when Seokjin hyung and Namjoon hyung were fighting. He’s not gonna be in the building, probably out in the park nearby. That’s where I went. Now go find him, the kid is probably traumatized. He’s had a rough past,” Jungkook smiles softly, but there’s a hint of pain in it. Jungkook had pulled Taehyun aside once after observing that the younger looked down. At that Taehyun had told him everything about what had happened and Jungkook had listened calmly. Having experiences similar, he had sympathised and told Taehyun what to do whenever anything triggers past memories. He had said to go to the park nearby and sit on a bench that was hidden in the trees. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There, Jungkook had put up fairy lights and a cd player with BTS albums and TXT albums to listen to music and just calm down. Taehyun had thanked him a million times for this in the past and Jungkook knew he must’ve gone there. He waves off the 4 other members and starts to walk to where his car is parked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The 4 of them run to the park and split up. Kai weaves through the trees until he spots a sparkle of moonlight hitting glass. Advancing towards it, he then pushes apart some leaves of a willow tree and gasps. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The place is beautiful. Fairy lights are strung about the trees and leaves, the sky is visible, and a bench is set right in the middle of the area. Willow leaves act as walls, covering the place from anyone else and in fact, there’s wooden fences surrounding the place except for the entrance Kai had entered through. Taehyun is sitting on a bench that’s decorated by pastel colored paint. Kai approaches Taehyun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyun?” he asks. Taehyun jumps, turning around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kai? Why are you here,” he asks. Taehyun looks awful, eyes red and puffed, tear tracks staining his milky white skin. His hair is disheveled, the glass still poking out of some places. Taehyun’s hands are cut in some places and glass shards are scattered on the ground. Kai feels sadness wash over him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyun, are you okay?” he asks. Taehyun sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Honestly no. It’s just that Soobin hyung and Yeonjun hyung fighting brought </span>
  <span>back unpleasant memories. I think the bottle shattering above my head just triggered everything and I ran out here,” he says, bottom lip trembling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What even is this place?” Kai asks. Taehyun looks around, a small smile on his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jungkook hyung showed me here. He made this place for when he’s just, well, done with </span>
  <span>everything, he said. He showed me here after noticing that I wasn’t in the best condition and it’s been my safe spot since,” he explains, playing with a bracelet on his wrist. “Jungkook hyung also said to keep this bracelet on at all times. He… he gave it to me when I was 10,” Taehyun confesses.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“What?” Kai looks at him in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Jungkook hyung was getting ready for debut and he came home with this bracelet and gave it to me while my parents were out. He told me that it would give me good luck and to always wear it. I- I’m not Kang Taehyun. I’m actually Jeon Taehyun,” Taehyun sighs. Kai looks at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“This is what I meant by you were a book locked by a million locks and buried underground,” he says, his expression full of shock. Taehyun smiles softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Yeah… I guess you were right about that,” he says quietly. On the inside though, he’s not thinking like that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mom and Dad said to not trust anyone. Why am I saying these things?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“C’mon hyun, the hyungs are really worried. Soobin hyung and Yeonjun hyung already made up and Soobin hyung probably has guilt eating him inside out,” Kai says. Taehyun nods slowly, standing up and letting Kai drag him out and through the trees. Beomgyu spots them first and practically screams, running over to Taehyun and enfluging the younger into a hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Taehyun sighs softly into Beomgyu’s embrace. Soobin and Yeonjun arrive next, tripping over their own feet to apologize. Taehyun just smiles in reply, silently accepting their apology.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>The incident is forgotten in a matter of weeks and Kai has forgotten about finding that secret spot and the fact that Jungkook and Taehyun are related. Everything seems normal until Beomgyu stumbles upon Taehyun’s journal that’s full of doodles and short notes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He flips through the pages mindlessly when one page catches his eye. It’s completely blank other than a short writing. The writing is written by what seems to be a bleeding dark red pen, as it looks creepily similar to blood. Beomgyu raises the journal to read the small writing and he swears his blood ran cold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When will I be able to escape? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Is that even an option?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m lonely, scared, and lost</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Someone help me</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No matter how many lights are supposed to be at the end</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why does my end stay dark?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>HELP</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>Beomgyu breathes in a stuttering breath, setting the journal down. The date at the bottom says 081514, so it was written years ago, but it still worries Beomgyu. He turns around just to be met with Taehyun’s gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hyung, not all happiness lasts and neither does depression. That’s what people say. But for others, happiness lasts forever and depression lasts forever. The color yellow represents happiness. Why haven’t I seen any yellow in my life? What’s wrong with me?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beomgyu is startled at the sudden vision and Taehyun looks at him, worry lacing his features.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung, you know that I’m getting better, right?” Taehyun asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>WRONG. He’s not getting better.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Beomgyu just stares at Taehyun. The voice in his head freakily sounds like Jungkook’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>That’s right. It’s me. Look out for hyunnie would ya? He’s actually been doing better. Keep an eye out, and if there’s even the slightest thing wrong, call me and then tell him to go to the “safe place”. I’m not letting my little brother die on my watch. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beomgyu nods slightly, then looks up to Taehyun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“You’re gonna be okay,” he whispers. Taehyun looks startled, then realization seems to dawn on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <span>“Yeah, I’m gonna be okay,” he says. And instead of uncertainty lacing his undertones, it’s confidence. A confidence that says </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span> he will get better, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’s not going to die and </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> everything will be alright.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments and Kudos are appreciated!</p>
<p>This story was inspired by “Lean on Us” by Redpanda18, go check it out!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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